Hello peeps.
It has been months since my last post. Real posts at least, because the final few are really just my attempts to update but rather I failed miserably.
Yesterday, I IM-ed Azureus. She asked, what’s with the absence from the blogosphere? I said I was/am busy. Which is true. Mostly. But I have no urge to write anymore. The second half of 2009 has been a real shitty few months of my life. In fact, aside from werk (astonishingly amazing), my other parts of social/financial/spiritual existence are all in turmoil. (Turmoil? Imagine that. I never used that word before).
Werk has been amazing. I never worked this hard before. Even some frens notice that I no longer the first to RSVP-Yes to almost anything now. Last time, I replied YES to every single invite to every time-out gatherings. Now, I have to take rain-checks and even bail-outs last minute due to werk obligations. How’s that for a change? More than ever, I value more me-time this leg around. Yes, free, quality time is HARD to come by nowadays. And I, god-forbid-me, will do almost anything to have a quiet wikend, all alone curled up in a ball of underwear (or without) and quilt, watching DVDs, sucking in cancer seeds and shower meself with horny imageries of wishes unfulfilled. THAT is my quality time. And fuck you for saying otherwise. My life, my ways. You can go to your knitting classes and kit your death covers for all I know. Note* pardon me for the outburst. I find it hard to harness my temper nowadays.
Anyway, year 2009 had seen me severed a few relationships. And I lost two most beloved members of my family. Quite a fcuk-up to cope with.
To lose frens in an unheavenly manner is one thing, but to bear a fault for a crime I didn’t commit is another. I’ve been called one names too many. Most of the time, I can always turn a blind eye and move on and make believe of life is more than just people opinions. But when I had been tarnished with the crimes of unimaginable sins and a flat-out lie, which was the last straw. Not that it hurts, but blindly manipulative for some people to just let others bear their foul actions for they think they are too high and mighty to surrender and admit defeat. Being a better bigger person, I chose to stay behind and let things collide they way they are meant to be. I’d like to sit back and see fools create the same mistakes over and over. A taste of their own medicine. I often call meself delusional. But now that I see people in worse states, I pride meself for being a good actor and liar. At least I play out my roles and revert back whenever I need to, or whenever I go too far. But some people never learn. How many times can you lie to ownself. The dumb me knows the limit. Do you? Whatever rocks your boat. Thanks for the memories, people. I don’t wish you bad things, but no chance in hell I will wish you well. I saw you soaring to the sky, now, I’m sitting under the shade to watch you crash and burn. And from where I’m sitting, it’s gonna be fcukin AA-mazing!
On a more personal note, I lost Mr.Daddy in November. Multiple organ failure due to infections in his chest. 48 days later, I lost a nephew in an accident. 2 deaths in less than 2 months. A little more than I could handle. I could pretty much handle bad news thrown to my face quite well. But the look on my sister’s face was too much for me. I mean, you think losing a loved one is hard enough. But can you handle two? Well, my sister is one mean bitch. The strongest of the lot. She is the backbone of the family. And now, the matriarch is even stronger. And for that, I owe her everything. And being the youngest son, I literally adore her as the one figure that keeps the family together. The last day, when I kissed her cheeks, she held me long and hard. The warmth of love and blood that tie us together were strong reminder of roots and home. And for that, no money in the world could replace the feeling I felt that moment.
Having said those, I feel better now. This part of the year, when I count my blessings, I really thank God for the things I experienced for the past year. I’ve learnt the hardest possible ways of the values of love and family. I’ve gone through some rough patches and I learned from my mistakes. And the frens that I own now, the best ones that stood by me through thick and thin, thank you. The people who fcuked up my life, well, I hope you die a miserable death. Or better, don’t die a miserable death, but suffer first, then die. That would be the cherry on the sundae.
Till later, I love you. And I hate you. You know who you are.
Happy New Year. 2010 sounds promising. Boo-yah!
It has been months since my last post. Real posts at least, because the final few are really just my attempts to update but rather I failed miserably.
Yesterday, I IM-ed Azureus. She asked, what’s with the absence from the blogosphere? I said I was/am busy. Which is true. Mostly. But I have no urge to write anymore. The second half of 2009 has been a real shitty few months of my life. In fact, aside from werk (astonishingly amazing), my other parts of social/financial/spiritual existence are all in turmoil. (Turmoil? Imagine that. I never used that word before).
Werk has been amazing. I never worked this hard before. Even some frens notice that I no longer the first to RSVP-Yes to almost anything now. Last time, I replied YES to every single invite to every time-out gatherings. Now, I have to take rain-checks and even bail-outs last minute due to werk obligations. How’s that for a change? More than ever, I value more me-time this leg around. Yes, free, quality time is HARD to come by nowadays. And I, god-forbid-me, will do almost anything to have a quiet wikend, all alone curled up in a ball of underwear (or without) and quilt, watching DVDs, sucking in cancer seeds and shower meself with horny imageries of wishes unfulfilled. THAT is my quality time. And fuck you for saying otherwise. My life, my ways. You can go to your knitting classes and kit your death covers for all I know. Note* pardon me for the outburst. I find it hard to harness my temper nowadays.
Anyway, year 2009 had seen me severed a few relationships. And I lost two most beloved members of my family. Quite a fcuk-up to cope with.
To lose frens in an unheavenly manner is one thing, but to bear a fault for a crime I didn’t commit is another. I’ve been called one names too many. Most of the time, I can always turn a blind eye and move on and make believe of life is more than just people opinions. But when I had been tarnished with the crimes of unimaginable sins and a flat-out lie, which was the last straw. Not that it hurts, but blindly manipulative for some people to just let others bear their foul actions for they think they are too high and mighty to surrender and admit defeat. Being a better bigger person, I chose to stay behind and let things collide they way they are meant to be. I’d like to sit back and see fools create the same mistakes over and over. A taste of their own medicine. I often call meself delusional. But now that I see people in worse states, I pride meself for being a good actor and liar. At least I play out my roles and revert back whenever I need to, or whenever I go too far. But some people never learn. How many times can you lie to ownself. The dumb me knows the limit. Do you? Whatever rocks your boat. Thanks for the memories, people. I don’t wish you bad things, but no chance in hell I will wish you well. I saw you soaring to the sky, now, I’m sitting under the shade to watch you crash and burn. And from where I’m sitting, it’s gonna be fcukin AA-mazing!
On a more personal note, I lost Mr.Daddy in November. Multiple organ failure due to infections in his chest. 48 days later, I lost a nephew in an accident. 2 deaths in less than 2 months. A little more than I could handle. I could pretty much handle bad news thrown to my face quite well. But the look on my sister’s face was too much for me. I mean, you think losing a loved one is hard enough. But can you handle two? Well, my sister is one mean bitch. The strongest of the lot. She is the backbone of the family. And now, the matriarch is even stronger. And for that, I owe her everything. And being the youngest son, I literally adore her as the one figure that keeps the family together. The last day, when I kissed her cheeks, she held me long and hard. The warmth of love and blood that tie us together were strong reminder of roots and home. And for that, no money in the world could replace the feeling I felt that moment.
Having said those, I feel better now. This part of the year, when I count my blessings, I really thank God for the things I experienced for the past year. I’ve learnt the hardest possible ways of the values of love and family. I’ve gone through some rough patches and I learned from my mistakes. And the frens that I own now, the best ones that stood by me through thick and thin, thank you. The people who fcuked up my life, well, I hope you die a miserable death. Or better, don’t die a miserable death, but suffer first, then die. That would be the cherry on the sundae.
Till later, I love you. And I hate you. You know who you are.
Happy New Year. 2010 sounds promising. Boo-yah!
1 comments:
kah kah kah
Post a Comment