so fcukin' true.
Muse du Jour
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, January 02, 2010
:: of Me & The Mental Health ::
She: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah. Splendid, I guess. Why?
She: Nothing. You seem odd lately.
Me: How odd?
She: Odd-er than usual.
Me: Hmm.. Elaborate.
She: You’ve been buying things. Like, A LOT!
Me: No. I always buy things. ALWAYS.
She: This is serious. You’re shopping like, crazy mad.
Me: No lah.
She: Yes. Look, you buys DVDs like you’re stocking up for doomsday. And series boxset? You never like series.
Me: Not true. I like series. I watch loads of series.
She: Name one. Naruto and Avatar tak kira!
Me: Well, I watched Heroes. And Prison Break. And that medical thingy
She: That medical thingy is Grey’s Anatomy. And you downloaded them, you got the rest from frens. You never buy DVDs. But now all of the sudden, you do.
Me: Okay, point taken. But essentially, I’m not overdoing this.
She:Damn well you are. Look at the stuff you bought. Crazy. And Levi’s? For real? You hate them. you said Levi's is too overrated. And you bought two pairs? Kammon.
Me: Well, I kinda like the things, and I buy them. No biggie.
She: You only go retail-crazy when you are stressed out. Are you? For real?
Me: Since you mention it, well, a bit I guess. Only a little.
She: Werk related or unnecessary stress?
Me: A little of both actually. But as always, I manage. You know I do.
She: I know. But it’s not healthy.
Me: I’m not healthy too, but you're always around. That means something.
She: That’s different.
Me: Yeah. Splendid, I guess. Why?
She: Nothing. You seem odd lately.
Me: How odd?
She: Odd-er than usual.
Me: Hmm.. Elaborate.
She: You’ve been buying things. Like, A LOT!
Me: No. I always buy things. ALWAYS.
She: This is serious. You’re shopping like, crazy mad.
Me: No lah.
She: Yes. Look, you buys DVDs like you’re stocking up for doomsday. And series boxset? You never like series.
Me: Not true. I like series. I watch loads of series.
She: Name one. Naruto and Avatar tak kira!
Me: Well, I watched Heroes. And Prison Break. And that medical thingy
She: That medical thingy is Grey’s Anatomy. And you downloaded them, you got the rest from frens. You never buy DVDs. But now all of the sudden, you do.
Me: Okay, point taken. But essentially, I’m not overdoing this.
She:Damn well you are. Look at the stuff you bought. Crazy. And Levi’s? For real? You hate them. you said Levi's is too overrated. And you bought two pairs? Kammon.
Me: Well, I kinda like the things, and I buy them. No biggie.
She: You only go retail-crazy when you are stressed out. Are you? For real?
Me: Since you mention it, well, a bit I guess. Only a little.
She: Werk related or unnecessary stress?
Me: A little of both actually. But as always, I manage. You know I do.
She: I know. But it’s not healthy.
Me: I’m not healthy too, but you're always around. That means something.
She: That’s different.
The new love. Its name in Mr.Hott 
these popped in the mail. yeay!
and 3 days later, another 1. i booked early and saved 30%.
the obsession with "Merde" series. Stephen Clarke is a semi-God
like with what's between my legs? 
my first ever train trip 
the new emo tee. wore it once. another of my impulsive spending.
the new boots. just because i never had any. 
dvds. heh.
temporary lapse of judgement 
sideswap. just like the one in the poster. cuz i'm a wannabe 
wanted crocs. since it's too overrated, i got these instead 
more dvds 
since when? 
latest obsession. fettucine, cheese and herb sauce. and loads of ham/beef
:: of Me & The New Year ::
second day of the new year and don't feel any different. Is it denial or is it normal?
anyway, i can't post pictures from my notebook. WHY!!??
anyway, i can't post pictures from my notebook. WHY!!??
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
:: of Me & As of Late ::
Hello peeps.
It has been months since my last post. Real posts at least, because the final few are really just my attempts to update but rather I failed miserably.
Yesterday, I IM-ed Azureus. She asked, what’s with the absence from the blogosphere? I said I was/am busy. Which is true. Mostly. But I have no urge to write anymore. The second half of 2009 has been a real shitty few months of my life. In fact, aside from werk (astonishingly amazing), my other parts of social/financial/spiritual existence are all in turmoil. (Turmoil? Imagine that. I never used that word before).
Werk has been amazing. I never worked this hard before. Even some frens notice that I no longer the first to RSVP-Yes to almost anything now. Last time, I replied YES to every single invite to every time-out gatherings. Now, I have to take rain-checks and even bail-outs last minute due to werk obligations. How’s that for a change? More than ever, I value more me-time this leg around. Yes, free, quality time is HARD to come by nowadays. And I, god-forbid-me, will do almost anything to have a quiet wikend, all alone curled up in a ball of underwear (or without) and quilt, watching DVDs, sucking in cancer seeds and shower meself with horny imageries of wishes unfulfilled. THAT is my quality time. And fuck you for saying otherwise. My life, my ways. You can go to your knitting classes and kit your death covers for all I know. Note* pardon me for the outburst. I find it hard to harness my temper nowadays.
Anyway, year 2009 had seen me severed a few relationships. And I lost two most beloved members of my family. Quite a fcuk-up to cope with.
To lose frens in an unheavenly manner is one thing, but to bear a fault for a crime I didn’t commit is another. I’ve been called one names too many. Most of the time, I can always turn a blind eye and move on and make believe of life is more than just people opinions. But when I had been tarnished with the crimes of unimaginable sins and a flat-out lie, which was the last straw. Not that it hurts, but blindly manipulative for some people to just let others bear their foul actions for they think they are too high and mighty to surrender and admit defeat. Being a better bigger person, I chose to stay behind and let things collide they way they are meant to be. I’d like to sit back and see fools create the same mistakes over and over. A taste of their own medicine. I often call meself delusional. But now that I see people in worse states, I pride meself for being a good actor and liar. At least I play out my roles and revert back whenever I need to, or whenever I go too far. But some people never learn. How many times can you lie to ownself. The dumb me knows the limit. Do you? Whatever rocks your boat. Thanks for the memories, people. I don’t wish you bad things, but no chance in hell I will wish you well. I saw you soaring to the sky, now, I’m sitting under the shade to watch you crash and burn. And from where I’m sitting, it’s gonna be fcukin AA-mazing!
On a more personal note, I lost Mr.Daddy in November. Multiple organ failure due to infections in his chest. 48 days later, I lost a nephew in an accident. 2 deaths in less than 2 months. A little more than I could handle. I could pretty much handle bad news thrown to my face quite well. But the look on my sister’s face was too much for me. I mean, you think losing a loved one is hard enough. But can you handle two? Well, my sister is one mean bitch. The strongest of the lot. She is the backbone of the family. And now, the matriarch is even stronger. And for that, I owe her everything. And being the youngest son, I literally adore her as the one figure that keeps the family together. The last day, when I kissed her cheeks, she held me long and hard. The warmth of love and blood that tie us together were strong reminder of roots and home. And for that, no money in the world could replace the feeling I felt that moment.
Having said those, I feel better now. This part of the year, when I count my blessings, I really thank God for the things I experienced for the past year. I’ve learnt the hardest possible ways of the values of love and family. I’ve gone through some rough patches and I learned from my mistakes. And the frens that I own now, the best ones that stood by me through thick and thin, thank you. The people who fcuked up my life, well, I hope you die a miserable death. Or better, don’t die a miserable death, but suffer first, then die. That would be the cherry on the sundae.
Till later, I love you. And I hate you. You know who you are.
Happy New Year. 2010 sounds promising. Boo-yah!
It has been months since my last post. Real posts at least, because the final few are really just my attempts to update but rather I failed miserably.
Yesterday, I IM-ed Azureus. She asked, what’s with the absence from the blogosphere? I said I was/am busy. Which is true. Mostly. But I have no urge to write anymore. The second half of 2009 has been a real shitty few months of my life. In fact, aside from werk (astonishingly amazing), my other parts of social/financial/spiritual existence are all in turmoil. (Turmoil? Imagine that. I never used that word before).
Werk has been amazing. I never worked this hard before. Even some frens notice that I no longer the first to RSVP-Yes to almost anything now. Last time, I replied YES to every single invite to every time-out gatherings. Now, I have to take rain-checks and even bail-outs last minute due to werk obligations. How’s that for a change? More than ever, I value more me-time this leg around. Yes, free, quality time is HARD to come by nowadays. And I, god-forbid-me, will do almost anything to have a quiet wikend, all alone curled up in a ball of underwear (or without) and quilt, watching DVDs, sucking in cancer seeds and shower meself with horny imageries of wishes unfulfilled. THAT is my quality time. And fuck you for saying otherwise. My life, my ways. You can go to your knitting classes and kit your death covers for all I know. Note* pardon me for the outburst. I find it hard to harness my temper nowadays.
Anyway, year 2009 had seen me severed a few relationships. And I lost two most beloved members of my family. Quite a fcuk-up to cope with.
To lose frens in an unheavenly manner is one thing, but to bear a fault for a crime I didn’t commit is another. I’ve been called one names too many. Most of the time, I can always turn a blind eye and move on and make believe of life is more than just people opinions. But when I had been tarnished with the crimes of unimaginable sins and a flat-out lie, which was the last straw. Not that it hurts, but blindly manipulative for some people to just let others bear their foul actions for they think they are too high and mighty to surrender and admit defeat. Being a better bigger person, I chose to stay behind and let things collide they way they are meant to be. I’d like to sit back and see fools create the same mistakes over and over. A taste of their own medicine. I often call meself delusional. But now that I see people in worse states, I pride meself for being a good actor and liar. At least I play out my roles and revert back whenever I need to, or whenever I go too far. But some people never learn. How many times can you lie to ownself. The dumb me knows the limit. Do you? Whatever rocks your boat. Thanks for the memories, people. I don’t wish you bad things, but no chance in hell I will wish you well. I saw you soaring to the sky, now, I’m sitting under the shade to watch you crash and burn. And from where I’m sitting, it’s gonna be fcukin AA-mazing!
On a more personal note, I lost Mr.Daddy in November. Multiple organ failure due to infections in his chest. 48 days later, I lost a nephew in an accident. 2 deaths in less than 2 months. A little more than I could handle. I could pretty much handle bad news thrown to my face quite well. But the look on my sister’s face was too much for me. I mean, you think losing a loved one is hard enough. But can you handle two? Well, my sister is one mean bitch. The strongest of the lot. She is the backbone of the family. And now, the matriarch is even stronger. And for that, I owe her everything. And being the youngest son, I literally adore her as the one figure that keeps the family together. The last day, when I kissed her cheeks, she held me long and hard. The warmth of love and blood that tie us together were strong reminder of roots and home. And for that, no money in the world could replace the feeling I felt that moment.
Having said those, I feel better now. This part of the year, when I count my blessings, I really thank God for the things I experienced for the past year. I’ve learnt the hardest possible ways of the values of love and family. I’ve gone through some rough patches and I learned from my mistakes. And the frens that I own now, the best ones that stood by me through thick and thin, thank you. The people who fcuked up my life, well, I hope you die a miserable death. Or better, don’t die a miserable death, but suffer first, then die. That would be the cherry on the sundae.
Till later, I love you. And I hate you. You know who you are.
Happy New Year. 2010 sounds promising. Boo-yah!
Monday, August 03, 2009
:: of car dent & fashion victim ::
i went to dinner with a new acquaintance. Sshe drove of course, for i, regardless of my charm topped with gud looks, have no sense of direction watsoever. plus my driving skills make certain people cringe and flinch.
we were on the left side of the expressway when an ass-y driver swerved into our right and collided into our car. Tires screeched. Necks lolled. And me, being a total dick, screamed like a skoolgirl in heat.
Me: u okay?
Her: think so.
Me: stupid pig. u sure u ok? nothing broken anywhere?
Her: yeah. shit. my new car?!
I got out of the de-virginised vehicle and stormed towards the asshole responsible. he was checking out the damage he inflicted to his super-souped up Japanese car. me suddenly so poised for my heroic act. Performance of the year.
Me: are you fuggen blind or what?!!! I could've died!!!
Ass: you were too slow! I wanted to take the exit. Sorry..
Me: well, u could've taken it AFTER we passed couldn't u?! It's my lane. Now my fren is seriously hurt. And THAT'S her new car! U are drivin at 7pm with sunglasses?? Gile ke ape?
Ass: so sori man. Dun wori. I'll pay for evriting. Wait i get my card. Does ur fren need to go to hospital?
Me: u crazee man! Wait. I go check on her..
I was shuffling to the car when i heard tyres screeching and the bastardy bastard took off and left me in a cloud of petrol smoke. Fcuketty fuck. Fcuketty fcuketty flipping fcuk! I ran to the car and..
Me: hurry! Chase the bastard! Go!
Her: sokay. I'm fine. And it's just a dent. Deep one, but we're fine.
Me: scoot over. I drive. We can catch him. We need the license plate number. Scoot!
Her: fuggedit. I'm too shaky. And i'm not gonna miss dinner.
Me: but..
Her: What did u say to him?
Me: well, he was wearing shades! Like, hello? It's 7pm?! And the Polo shirt he was wearing was fucken ugly! I told him he was an ass for driving like a moron. Now if we go really super fast we could still catch him.
Her: fcuk it. Can we go and have dinner now pls? I feel like eating a bloody whole cow now.
Me: but the shirt was fucken ugly. So fucken ugly. U got to see it!
we were on the left side of the expressway when an ass-y driver swerved into our right and collided into our car. Tires screeched. Necks lolled. And me, being a total dick, screamed like a skoolgirl in heat.
Me: u okay?
Her: think so.
Me: stupid pig. u sure u ok? nothing broken anywhere?
Her: yeah. shit. my new car?!
I got out of the de-virginised vehicle and stormed towards the asshole responsible. he was checking out the damage he inflicted to his super-souped up Japanese car. me suddenly so poised for my heroic act. Performance of the year.
Me: are you fuggen blind or what?!!! I could've died!!!
Ass: you were too slow! I wanted to take the exit. Sorry..
Me: well, u could've taken it AFTER we passed couldn't u?! It's my lane. Now my fren is seriously hurt. And THAT'S her new car! U are drivin at 7pm with sunglasses?? Gile ke ape?
Ass: so sori man. Dun wori. I'll pay for evriting. Wait i get my card. Does ur fren need to go to hospital?
Me: u crazee man! Wait. I go check on her..
I was shuffling to the car when i heard tyres screeching and the bastardy bastard took off and left me in a cloud of petrol smoke. Fcuketty fuck. Fcuketty fcuketty flipping fcuk! I ran to the car and..
Me: hurry! Chase the bastard! Go!
Her: sokay. I'm fine. And it's just a dent. Deep one, but we're fine.
Me: scoot over. I drive. We can catch him. We need the license plate number. Scoot!
Her: fuggedit. I'm too shaky. And i'm not gonna miss dinner.
Me: but..
Her: What did u say to him?
Me: well, he was wearing shades! Like, hello? It's 7pm?! And the Polo shirt he was wearing was fucken ugly! I told him he was an ass for driving like a moron. Now if we go really super fast we could still catch him.
Her: fcuk it. Can we go and have dinner now pls? I feel like eating a bloody whole cow now.
Me: but the shirt was fucken ugly. So fucken ugly. U got to see it!
Monday, June 29, 2009
:: of Me & Morning Bliss ::
i woke up to this yesterday. such a sight to be hold. i felt like everything is possible when i woke up to a morning rain like this. i wanted to smile for the whole day and do all the nothing i want.i slept through the rain. till mid afternoon. cheh.
:: of Me & Seremban Cendol ::
long long time ago, i went to Somban with Bieby, a fren of mine. well, we wanted to go to PD but being a smartass, i took a wrong turn and we ended up in Somban. worry not, we improvised. we went round and round in Somban looking at signages and tried to maneuvre our way out of there, when suddenly, our eyes caught the sight of this:
the infamous cendol of Somban: Haji Shariff Cendol. yummehhh! and the location is in an almost deserted Chinese area with old colonial-esque building.
hari yang panas diiringi dengan cendol yang nikmat beserta rojak mee yang tak larat dihabeskan sebab nafsu melebihi kapasiti tangki perut.
oldskool shutter grill and signboad.
oldtimer tiles
such a pity. this building should be restored and proudly shown as part of our architechtural heritage. but whatever. Somban doesnt care, why should we?
i bet Sarbaini is deceased by now. anyhow, we managed to get out of Somban and reached PD a couple of hours late than we planned. and gues wot? it rained like shit by the time we got there. we drove back to KL. such a bummer.
:: of Me & Not Being Dead ::
i'm not dead. not yet. i'm taking a long break from blogging, from werk, from life. sorry if such dissappearance disappoint some of you (almost unlikely, but sorry anyway), but the last time I heard, absense makes the heart grow fonder... blush..blush. i am now officially doing things that i like the most. read. sleep. smoke. repeat the cycle eleven gazilion times. that's me.
anyways, no updates as of late. nothing to say, nothing to tell. to most people from my previous office, my disappearing is called freelancing job. to family, this is crazy. to friends, i'm almost suicidal due to sudden changes of gameplans and hangout time.
however, it is crucial for me to highlight that as for now, life is as i expect it to be. i'm enjoying every second of it. super fast pace at blinding speed, loads of responsibilities, but now people see me more as an individual rather than part of some crappy set of people doing shitty stuff. heh. grudge.
i'm all giddy and excited to wake up in the morning and do things that are new and more likely to make me end up more suicidal and all freaked out than before. but i think i like it for now. as always, my enthusiasm is always short-lived and seasonal. but being a good sport and all, i'm up for it.
i dont mean to abandon you people. it's just that i need to streamline my targets for life. like, what to wear later and where to eat tonight. those are really important things. i know most of your lives gravitate towards me and everything, and i love you for that, but i'm pressured to keep a little attention on something beneficial and fruitful (berbuah?) for me in total. all i ask for is give me some undivided support (wonder bra. hahaha) and your full love. i might turn out good after all (as if!).
bye for now.
miss me, please.
i promise to love you.
all of you.
any of you.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
:; of Me & The Grass On The Other Side ::
I’m making a move. A career change. I think its time now. You know what they say about time, it’s NOW or NEVER. NOW sounds good to me. NEVER would be a swell option too, but I’ll take my chances and wing it out in the open this time. I might be screwed for this, but waddahell, I’m already damaged beyond repair.
It’s been two years. Kalu ada anak, sah-sah anak aku dah potty-trained by now. This is the longest I’ve ever werked in a place so far. Since graduation 3 years ago, I’ve werked in at least 7 offices (that I can remember), with jobs ranging from teaching, event management, business development, corporate analyst and publication, under my belt. If experience in those jobs were to equal gold bars, I’d be a frickin’ rich retard by now. Anyhow, I’m leaving. It’s been a bittersweet experience here. This place that I loathed the most at first, but I guess, after 2 years of being here, it started to grow on me.
I’ll miss the people who helped colour my life, technology-wise. I was an old-school English grad when I came in, but now I’m 30 percent more tech savvy with brand names and softwares rolling off my tongue like I’m the lovechild of Bill Gates and Ivanka Trump. I’m 25 percent nicer to people, strangers and ugly little kids included. Gained more than 15 percent of good extra body weight. Plus the ever-oh-so-obvious expanded waistline is gonna haunt me for some time I assume. And evidently, I’m also 60 percent sexier, of course. With all the experience and infinite wisdom that I’ve gained, how can I NOT be? I practically ooze sexiness from each pore. I once saw a lady with legs shaking uncontrollably with her hand where it should not be when I walked past her. What can I say. I can’t help it, people fall in love with me like ganja leaves in autumn. It’s not my fault that I’m oh-super sexy.
On a less hornier note, I have to make it clear that I’ve learned a lot here, more than I ever imagined. The good-looking websites on the web? Ack, they are way simpler and a lot less complicated than you think. The songs and movies you secretly wish to listen/see but they are not available in stores anywhere now? I’ve learned that the internet is a good place to look for long lost treasures like that. And those haunting movie tunes that made everything believable and solely responsible for all the tear-jerking moments while watching? I’ve mastered it all. With all the free times I had here, it would be a shame if I hadn’t use them in a fruitful manner i.e support international piracy.
Time and again, my colleagues are still restless and keep asking me with my sudden move. I told them I need a break from all this stupid werk and the morons that make my life a bit less bearable than it already was. Mind you, the werk was fine. It helped me stand on my feet, financed my hedonistic retardation of a lifestyle, making me less dependent to my family. I appreciate it for all the stated reasons above. But I’m insatiable. I’m like the bottomless soda drinks at Chilli’s. I’m a restless puppy. What I have now is okay. But okay for me just doesn’t really cut it. I need more. More money. More freedom to exercise my skills (if I have any). More time for me to hone my expertise. More flexibility in terms of the exploits of my body potentials (I’d be more than happy if you could exploit me in all the ways imaginable: career-wise or carnally). I want more. And I’ll always end up wanting more. The nature of me is very obvious and I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied nor I have any plans to curb it in any way, now or ever. And now, the grass on the other side of the fence is so green, it’s blindingly appetizing. If I don’t cross over the fence now, I might regret it.
The decision is made with purely no participation of any moronic figures nor werk-related stress. I chose to resign because I want to. I had it coming for more than a year now. Previously, when I wanted to resign from this formidable yet enticing post, my new colleague was still new and she was a bit off in the tech department, so, I had to stay for a bit longer. Then, my new boss came in, so, she had to rely on me as she was new. I werked hard for my department. I was (still am) the laziest person I know, but still, it has never interfere with my werk. No matter how mundane the werk was (is), I get it done, no matter what. Even after a week off (I take a week off from time to time), when I get back to werk, nothing had changed, I still had to do the werk, double the amount of course, due to a week absence. The colleague? Well, she did a swell job just sitting around in a vapid demeanour and looking pretty. She might disagree, but the whole department knew it but no one said anything because, well, no one cared for her. So, I had to postpone my intention of leaving because I didn’t want to jeopardize my office. I was the first member of it. I know the job-scope more than anyone. How could I leave when a mannequin was the only one left? So, I put my need to a halt, and stayed. Now, the colleague left. The same dilemma come to pass. Stay or go? Go. My boss understand the reason for me to leave. We had a long and stimulating chat and she approved of my reasons. she even encouraged me to go for my vocation. As I am still young (she said that, verbatim), she was happy that I decided to follow my heart. The director of the centre was bit dramatic in her approach, though. She insisted that I should stay, since I have so much potentials (verbatim, I swear). As much I adore and love her creative werks, I have to leave. She even moved us to a new building recently, and added more office equipments. And she said what else did I want? She was willing to fulfill all the needs, as long as I stay. Plus, my werk is at its peak. Touched by her motherly advances, I told her, my reasons of leaving do not include the office, and my werk has not been a part of it too, in the first place. She was sad, but I was/am determined.
Last week, I left my notepad in the meeting room after a lengthy discussion. I was in a haste to piss so badly, so I excused myself and left the room, praying to god so that the bladder malfunction theory that wetting oneself unconsciously really stop at the age of seven and will not make an appearance just to prove the theory wrong. After I was done, I went back to my room and just before I sat, I remembered that I left the pad in the meeting room. The door was ajar and I almost knocked, when I heard the conversation between the bosses, “It’s a big loss for us. I have plans for him. I feel so bad I cannot make him stay. He listens to me usually. With his skills and potentials, we are going to be a better centre of excellence. I really wish he would reconsider. Now we have to replace him, and I don’t think there will be another one like him. Good things happen only once, they say. Talk to him, would you, Mrs.Boss? Tell him we give anything he wants. Tell him I’d personally promise that, please?”. I didn’t knock. I turned and walked back to my room. Flattered and sad at the same time. I left the pad there. I don’t really need it anymore. I’m turning a new page. I might as well buy a new book.
It’s good to know that I’m appreciated and well-liked, especially by the bosses. Hearing the words that day, I was relieved that I leave in my prime. My colleague left not so long ago. She left and nobody ever mentioned her since. Before, when I announced in a meeting that she was leaving, people were like, “Oh, she is leaving? Well, okay then. Moving on to the next item in the agenda…”. Now that I know I leave with a good name and an excellent presence in the office, I could not be any happier.
This is part one. I really need to piss now. Episode two is about the bitch who fcuked up my life when she left. She spread rumors and told people lies about me. Super Holy Cunt she was. Really.
Ack. I’m fuckin’ starving.
Lucillus, later!
It’s been two years. Kalu ada anak, sah-sah anak aku dah potty-trained by now. This is the longest I’ve ever werked in a place so far. Since graduation 3 years ago, I’ve werked in at least 7 offices (that I can remember), with jobs ranging from teaching, event management, business development, corporate analyst and publication, under my belt. If experience in those jobs were to equal gold bars, I’d be a frickin’ rich retard by now. Anyhow, I’m leaving. It’s been a bittersweet experience here. This place that I loathed the most at first, but I guess, after 2 years of being here, it started to grow on me.
I’ll miss the people who helped colour my life, technology-wise. I was an old-school English grad when I came in, but now I’m 30 percent more tech savvy with brand names and softwares rolling off my tongue like I’m the lovechild of Bill Gates and Ivanka Trump. I’m 25 percent nicer to people, strangers and ugly little kids included. Gained more than 15 percent of good extra body weight. Plus the ever-oh-so-obvious expanded waistline is gonna haunt me for some time I assume. And evidently, I’m also 60 percent sexier, of course. With all the experience and infinite wisdom that I’ve gained, how can I NOT be? I practically ooze sexiness from each pore. I once saw a lady with legs shaking uncontrollably with her hand where it should not be when I walked past her. What can I say. I can’t help it, people fall in love with me like ganja leaves in autumn. It’s not my fault that I’m oh-super sexy.
On a less hornier note, I have to make it clear that I’ve learned a lot here, more than I ever imagined. The good-looking websites on the web? Ack, they are way simpler and a lot less complicated than you think. The songs and movies you secretly wish to listen/see but they are not available in stores anywhere now? I’ve learned that the internet is a good place to look for long lost treasures like that. And those haunting movie tunes that made everything believable and solely responsible for all the tear-jerking moments while watching? I’ve mastered it all. With all the free times I had here, it would be a shame if I hadn’t use them in a fruitful manner i.e support international piracy.
Time and again, my colleagues are still restless and keep asking me with my sudden move. I told them I need a break from all this stupid werk and the morons that make my life a bit less bearable than it already was. Mind you, the werk was fine. It helped me stand on my feet, financed my hedonistic retardation of a lifestyle, making me less dependent to my family. I appreciate it for all the stated reasons above. But I’m insatiable. I’m like the bottomless soda drinks at Chilli’s. I’m a restless puppy. What I have now is okay. But okay for me just doesn’t really cut it. I need more. More money. More freedom to exercise my skills (if I have any). More time for me to hone my expertise. More flexibility in terms of the exploits of my body potentials (I’d be more than happy if you could exploit me in all the ways imaginable: career-wise or carnally). I want more. And I’ll always end up wanting more. The nature of me is very obvious and I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied nor I have any plans to curb it in any way, now or ever. And now, the grass on the other side of the fence is so green, it’s blindingly appetizing. If I don’t cross over the fence now, I might regret it.
The decision is made with purely no participation of any moronic figures nor werk-related stress. I chose to resign because I want to. I had it coming for more than a year now. Previously, when I wanted to resign from this formidable yet enticing post, my new colleague was still new and she was a bit off in the tech department, so, I had to stay for a bit longer. Then, my new boss came in, so, she had to rely on me as she was new. I werked hard for my department. I was (still am) the laziest person I know, but still, it has never interfere with my werk. No matter how mundane the werk was (is), I get it done, no matter what. Even after a week off (I take a week off from time to time), when I get back to werk, nothing had changed, I still had to do the werk, double the amount of course, due to a week absence. The colleague? Well, she did a swell job just sitting around in a vapid demeanour and looking pretty. She might disagree, but the whole department knew it but no one said anything because, well, no one cared for her. So, I had to postpone my intention of leaving because I didn’t want to jeopardize my office. I was the first member of it. I know the job-scope more than anyone. How could I leave when a mannequin was the only one left? So, I put my need to a halt, and stayed. Now, the colleague left. The same dilemma come to pass. Stay or go? Go. My boss understand the reason for me to leave. We had a long and stimulating chat and she approved of my reasons. she even encouraged me to go for my vocation. As I am still young (she said that, verbatim), she was happy that I decided to follow my heart. The director of the centre was bit dramatic in her approach, though. She insisted that I should stay, since I have so much potentials (verbatim, I swear). As much I adore and love her creative werks, I have to leave. She even moved us to a new building recently, and added more office equipments. And she said what else did I want? She was willing to fulfill all the needs, as long as I stay. Plus, my werk is at its peak. Touched by her motherly advances, I told her, my reasons of leaving do not include the office, and my werk has not been a part of it too, in the first place. She was sad, but I was/am determined.
Last week, I left my notepad in the meeting room after a lengthy discussion. I was in a haste to piss so badly, so I excused myself and left the room, praying to god so that the bladder malfunction theory that wetting oneself unconsciously really stop at the age of seven and will not make an appearance just to prove the theory wrong. After I was done, I went back to my room and just before I sat, I remembered that I left the pad in the meeting room. The door was ajar and I almost knocked, when I heard the conversation between the bosses, “It’s a big loss for us. I have plans for him. I feel so bad I cannot make him stay. He listens to me usually. With his skills and potentials, we are going to be a better centre of excellence. I really wish he would reconsider. Now we have to replace him, and I don’t think there will be another one like him. Good things happen only once, they say. Talk to him, would you, Mrs.Boss? Tell him we give anything he wants. Tell him I’d personally promise that, please?”. I didn’t knock. I turned and walked back to my room. Flattered and sad at the same time. I left the pad there. I don’t really need it anymore. I’m turning a new page. I might as well buy a new book.
It’s good to know that I’m appreciated and well-liked, especially by the bosses. Hearing the words that day, I was relieved that I leave in my prime. My colleague left not so long ago. She left and nobody ever mentioned her since. Before, when I announced in a meeting that she was leaving, people were like, “Oh, she is leaving? Well, okay then. Moving on to the next item in the agenda…”. Now that I know I leave with a good name and an excellent presence in the office, I could not be any happier.
This is part one. I really need to piss now. Episode two is about the bitch who fcuked up my life when she left. She spread rumors and told people lies about me. Super Holy Cunt she was. Really.
Ack. I’m fuckin’ starving.
Lucillus, later!
Monday, April 27, 2009
:: of Me & Werk ::
click picture to embiggen(?)
I'm so mad. Crazy mad. Mrs.Boss called this morning fussing over some petty mundane stuff. Even though she didn't mouth the real hurtful words or anything to that effect, her sighs and the tone of her voice were very clear indicators of how I have disappointed her in certain ways and that I'm a total loser for not finishing werk. Well oh well, it was not that I didn't want to do werk or too lazy or anything. It was just that the information gathered were not sufficient for me to weave into a full-fledged article. Creative writing is not something you can simply pull off from thin air. I need a great amount of raw materials and research. Yes, I can conjure a half-heartedly written article in 15 minutes, but what good does that bring? She can bitch and moan all she wants but still, I need to do everything from scratch, alone. And it's not easy being Hans-Solo here. Gimme some credit for goodness’ sake!!
So mad, I ditch werk at nine and went for a super long breakfast with some friends. Mrs.Boss called asking my whereabouts and I lied, I told her I was with Communications for some materials and I hung up before she could ask anything else. We, the morning-slackers, had so much fun smoking and slurping hor fun mee at the kopitiam. And talk about ghost stories. My new office is haunted, by the way. There are stories of previous occupants who saw some really weird/scary shit all the way from the ground floor up to the sixth. It’s an old area here. There are the Others. The day I moved in into this hollow space, I already had goosebumps and weird sensations. There is always this feeling of someone watching over me from behind. According to the senior staff, there bounds to be poltergeist phenomenon, apparition sightings and weird sounds towards late evenings but I would not worry much about that, as I will NEVER stay later than 5.45pm. Too much of a hassle. Plus, we’re not paid for extra time werking. And I hardly ever werk on the normal office-hour basis anyway.
I skipped lunch today. Finishing werk. Plus, the hor fun is still swimming effortlessly in my tummy. Werk done. Took me almost an hour to put the words together and rearrange the display scheme. Everything is nicely prepared. I hear one more word about the article not being done, then the person’s gonna wear it!
OMG! I went for tea to my brother’s place and saw the niece playing an online ragdoll game. I tried for one time and got hooked for life! Ragdoll Avalanche 2. So freakin’ addictive. And the game is mindless and u se only 2 finger the most at one time. That is a good game according to my criteria. free, energy saving, no cognitive process needed. I’ve been playing it all morning. Stopped for lunch-werk. And now continuing. I don’t plan to do any werk today or tomorrow either. Why werk if you have Ragdoll Avalanche 2! I'm so fcukin' ace. Here’s the game for you. Try it.
Ragdoll Avalanche 2
Click here to play this game
* I don't know why the font/paragraph is all fcuked-up.
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